I Don’t Jam
I don’t jam.
I’m not really someone who enjoys playing music and singing along with others to share a “feel good” atmosphere. I’m not a jukebox. Maybe sometimes…
Yes, I do shows and “entertain”, but it’s honestly not even my goal to become an entertainer. Never was. I don’t even like performing on most days. I don’t want to impress or even give off that vibe. I hate doing that. I don’t want to be a pop superstar. I don’t like being judged on my looks, personality, singing, music, etc. I’m a private person. I’m human. I like to think of myself as a normal guy doing normal things (sometimes weird things).
Yes, I make YouTube videos. Unfortunately, to share songs, you need to make videos. I never cared about being popular or famous, but if you want music to be a living, there is an element of promotion and marketing you need to do. I hate that.
Now what is music to me?
Music to me is…me.
It’s my way of getting out frustrations and feelings because it’s hard for me to any other way. I don’t talk about feelings much. I just sing about them. I write songs about people. I sing about people. I like good songs. I like melodies. I like honest lyrics.
When I’m alone and in my room, I sing and write. It is the ONLY time I am vulnerable. Each note and word I sing is from my soul. I’m still not comfortable enough to do this in public. Even at shows, it’s tough to reach that zone. It’s hard to explain, but I’m still not completely comfortable in front of a crowd, and in order for me to express myself completely, I need to feel like I’m alone.
I don’t ever feel that.
Music to me is sacred. I treat it on a more spiritual level than something that is “enjoyable” and “fun”. I search for meaning in all music. I want it to make me feel something. That’s important to me.
I like songs that make me think or change as a person. Yeah sure, the fun and upbeat songs will make you feel good for a minute, but it’s the songs that change me as a whole that I’ll love eternally.
Music…I love it and hate it so much.
