David Choi

Success is defined by what we think success is.

Money? Fame? These have nothing to do with my current definition of success. The latter never crossed my mind, but the money part did. I would be lying if I didn’t think money defined success. After all, we see people like Bill Gates, Donald Trump, and even people like Soulja Boy with all the money in the world and we can’t help but wonder what its like to be them. The sad thing is, one will never fully understand what its like to have money (or be rich) until you’ve experienced it. Don’t you wonder what it’s like to do anything you want?

Ever since I was 16, I worked my ass off in this industry. You can read it here. Every year, I have been doing better financially. If you were to graph my “success”, it would be growing upwards. I wouldn’t say I’m poor, but I wouldn’t say I’m rich either. I still live with my parents and to be able to save - I guess I could consider myself rich? Let’s move out and see how long my savings will last. The little bit of “security” I have doesn’t make me feel any more secure than I did with no money. It doesn’t bring joy. It doesn’t make me feel “successful”. So the money…that’s not it.

With more and more people knowing my name, I understand that I am becoming a “thing”. I guess that’s what happens. A topic of conversation. A “popular person”. Seriously, when did this happen? I didn’t sign up for this. I guess it comes with the territory and you’re reminded everyday. Only if people could be me for a minute or two. They’d realize it’s lonely. It’s pressure. It #$%!’s with your mind. It’s hard to trust people. That’s why you hang out with people who relate to you. You know people probably only like you because “fame” is attractive and you can rub some of it on them.

Deep down, everyone wants to experience fame, but won’t admit it. It’s a curiosity thing.

You know, I wish everyone could experience it. I really do.

Do you know why some celebrities are assholes? Because people won’t leave them alone. All they want to do is express and share their creativity. They’re tired of being known and watched. Like an overprotective parent. Surrounded like the air wrapped around every inch of your body. You know you make one wrong move and someone will twist it. Someone will make you look bad. You become a joke.

The battle with yourself happens when you mix business with creativity. You don’t want to do anything else in life. It’s scary. You don’t want to lose what you worked so hard to achieve. 

You can’t do anything you want. You’ve become a product. You have to be careful. The more eyes on you, it leaves more people open to say “I hate his work”, “he sucks”, “I don’t like him”, “he’s ugly”, “he’s stupid”. All that, without knowing the person. You don’t want to hear it because it hurts. But hey, I’ve done it too and it’s so easy to do it. It feels good to talk about celebrities.

Kanye West is a cocky mother f-er.

That feels so good to say.

If I were Kanye, I would have many days of contemplating whether I should build a nuke so I can destroy everyone who wasn’t an ally of mine. Maybe even thoughts of what it would be like if I were to disappear forever (yes, commit suicide). Sigh, how it would feel to have literally millions of people thinking of you the same way - all without having met you or had a conversation with.

See, I don’t even know him. He made himself appear that way. Accident or on purpose, it doesn’t matter. Millions of people think he’s like that. Yes, either way, it sucks for him. So fame…that’s not success.

The question: Do things get better or worse?

Here’s what it looks like:

1. You are judged and attacked. You are loved.

2. You can’t defend yourself. You can’t fight back. You’re helpless.

3. You release more creativity through the hurt and love.

4. Repeat, but 1 and 2 compounds with every repeat.

So this is life.